an old old post

****I never did publish this last fall. I made reference to it in my next post, so I dredged it up from the past.   Feel free to skim and scan, I know you really want the bitrh story!*****

------------

I don't know why this post has been so very very hard for me to write.  I can't even think of a title for it!

Somehow, after my miscarriage last summer, and blogging about it, because of course I had shared our good news...well, there's something about blogging that sort of makes this "big."

I post a picture of our Christmas tree, and suddenly the whole world is free to see it.  Now, I probably have all of three readers, but the theory is there.  And I feel a little shy about sharing things that are especially near and dear to my heart.

But then, if I'm blogging, there is a certain amount of sharing that is required.

And one wants it to be shared in a way that is beautiful, if it's something special.

So if you'll bear with me, I have a little story to tell.

Last October, our neighborhood Church was especially blessed to receive the relics of St. Maria Goretti which were on tour in America for the first time ever.  Her bones are preserved in a wax figure of St. Maria and lay in a glass reliquary.  For two days they were open for veneration.

I knew what I would be praying for before I even went.  Actually, it was for two intentions.  But one of them, following my miscarriage, was simply that, if it were God's will, I might conceive another child.

I wasn't asking for a miracle.  I didn't know if God would bless us with more children, but it certainly wasn't medically impossible.  I was just asking for a special blessing, if it was His will.

I think I really wanted to take on St. Maria Goretti as a special patroness.  I haven't ever been to Rome, or really anywhere, where there are first class relics of the saints.  It was very special to me to have this opportunity to venerate such a courageous young martyr for purity.

It's funny (well, not really) I was dreaming of being pregnant over the holidays and thinking of how sweet that would be (I'm praying for a sister and a sister-in-law to conceive as well).  I imagined a warm glow and joyful hearts full of expectation.  I totally failed to factor in sickness!  The first trimester?  Holidays?!

So, I've been sick.  Super nauseated and ridiculously exhausted.  Face plastered into sofa.  Dry heaving.  Well, I'm getting there.  I'm not there yet, but hope is on the horizon.  My husband has been a super-hero.  I think he's been running the household for the past couple of months.  I'm not sure.  I haven't really been off of the couch.  Unless I'm looking for food--you know, scouring every inch of the cupboards and refrigerator in hopes of finding something that sounds like it might sit well?!  Well, I rarely find anything, so I make my husband drive me somewhere to buy things that I don't buy.  Like coke and chips.   I think I could live on coke and chips.

Sorry for that digression.

So, this is my really bad attempt to share our news in a beautiful and graceful manner.  It's that, plus the reality check that is the first trimester.  We're due right before St. Maria's feast day in July.  I'm really, really looking forward to her feast day!