I love Lent. I absolutely love a chance to start over. I love to weed out, reorganize, and clean. I love apologies and forgiveness and new beginnings. Lent is sort of my New Year's. But this year, my Lent is a little less about Spring Cleaning and the 40 bags in 40 days challenge (which, again, I love). This year my husband said it was time for him to visit his parents. My in-laws live in the southwest and we are blessed to be able to visit them frequently and for extended amounts of time. It is a blessing that sometimes I'm not grateful for. I am a homebody with a huge operation to run: 8 kids, homeschooling, ...do I have to add to that list?? In a family of ten, you don't just "pop down" to the opposite end of the country for a month lightly. But I sort of do.
I pack clothes. I pack basic school books. I shut my home down (I posted my list on that). And we go.
I leave my world, my (extended) family, my friends, my sense of order, my routine, my privacy, my sense of control. I abandon my life into the hands of God as I climb onto a plane that I am afraid will be my death. This Lent, I was called to give up "my world"…the one that Simon Tugwell speaks of, that imaginary universe of which we are the false god wielding our false sense of omnipotence. I'm definitely tempted by that false sense of control (and frustrated to no end at that).
It is hard to give up. I like control. I like my own home. I like running my family in my own way and feeding it the food I want to feed it with. I have to let that go. I let it go for the sake of my husband, yes, so that he can get his sunshine and golf…but I do it for something more, too. I do it for family.
My children have a relationship with their family on the other side of this country that I never had with my extended family. They have an aunt and uncle who are much more fun than their own parents, if only because they own a pool with a slide and a tennis court, and cousins who dazzle even my own athletic children with their physical skills. They have a grandmother who happens to breed thoroughbreds as a hobby on a gorgeous piece of land that has a river running through it and bluffs overlooking it. They read to this dear woman each and every time they climbed into her car to drive anywhere (home from a restaurant, the grocery store,…) and they got through the entire Hobbit last summer and at least one book into the Lord of the Rings this visit. They long to share their loves with her, and she tries mightily to reciprocate enthusiasm, bless her. They get to eat all of the ice cream their Papa can buy…whether or not their mother noticed that dinner was a bite of mac n' cheese and a few fries--with a Sprite. <sigh>
My in-laws are not young, but my children have made memories and built a relationship which I pray may last for many more years. I believe that my children are actually friends with their grandparents. And that is very much worth it. I shouldn't be surprised that my own relationship with my in-laws is strengthened as well, sharing their life for weeks at a time. But this time I was, happily, surprised to discover just how much fun we could have together, if only I'd let go of my desire to be in control of my own world…it was worth it. Even if we do have to return to our world and our home (sweet home!!), it is all worth giving up my world and trying to die to myself. Besides, I get to eat awesome Mexican for a month, so, a little perk;).
So, I Spring clean now.
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